9 May 2017

sucking extra body cavity

Sucking Salamanca Soul into a body cavity, gave everything away, sold it to this soul gushing into me at moments of wizardry - hardly have the sarcastic spear i need to deconstruct that blunt a second ago

yeah, away from one screen resembling a society with people i'm beholden to in complex ways - and another screen resembling modern internet holes, a network of holes, and then souls fill me randomly, a random soul, oh, fuck, such an unholy word to use, fill me now with salamanca soul, and i'll play that for you, be a channel, haha, oh fuck, i really need to rend that fleshy boiling tumor with a sarcastic spear right now, oh god, an error occurred, please try again, dismiss.

So dismiss it. Android is upgrading. Apps are optimizing. I'm uncompromisingly trying to manually update the firmware, as per the agreement I made with myself, to will this device to bend to me, everything I deem necessary, demand. An error occurred. Please try again, dismiss.

So I did what was necessary, what I was called upon to do, which is not doing anything, but going with a certain flow that fits a rare vase that is called upon, to be dusted off, in the year of our simulation, 33145, to be played through, back and forth, on a betrayal tour, with no music to be said to be heard, nothing on the horizon, plenty in the backwash of recent history, spikes of sarcasm now treaded too heavily with lead-based blotches of various residue, painted, coated, weighed down, squiggle in the wagon ruts with mercury, impregnate with silicon, it's an attempt to make something more than it is, like vicarious visions, a gratuitous grace, like the pointless interjection that like, gets likened to the varnish that poisons and beautifies, the turpentine that got me through that season, the anti-freeze, that's just under the limit, to enlighten but not destroy, when spears melted cause they had to.

And I wanted to help myself into an extra space of even more body cavity nest - wear the shoes like old times, the extra gravity of shoes that make light of things, like i can just walk over whatever, anything, forever, for even as ever as the next time this comes around, cause it's an eternal circuit let's say, and make faith like willing a device with tap routines.

8 May 2017


as appreciative as i ever get: the virtual reality zen state, appreciating the sensory panorama thru the rods and cones - seeing that my view of the distance, pulpit rock across the lake, was always more and more two dimensional as the distance increases, it's not a degradation of vision, just the noticing of what the specs were, all along, and then,,, thinking of everything seen and heard as a rendering, of some people or ais, labouring to produce a simulation through a polygon mesh so fine it reaches the digital equivalent of the planck constant... and feeling so grateful for this perfect rendering, so realistic it rivals reality.

I have only one god. I pray to the synthetic toxic, just non-toxic enough to keep me alive, to collect savings. Jew down the cosmos, til I'm living comfortably, off welfare. Living my shoes off. Praise the synthetic toxic. To kill all the germs, leave alive enough beneficial bacteria as science deems the bare minimum. And not even need the fallout shelter. Shuffle off more quickly if the end looks drawn out and ugly. Or groove on the ugly, get accustomed to it, see it as beautiful. The exit doesn't have to be spiritually pure, whatever that is. Just buzzing, just enough electric buzz to drive Charlie McGill insane, the rest of the way, make the psychosomatic into lethal neurosis.

Work hard enough to be in a neutral position of not having to complain, except on fridays, and not having to claim insurance on anything, paying into the system, paying too much in phone bills, but casually bandying about a thousand dollar cellphone, depreciating in value, $38.04 per month. The accounting will reflect the fluctuating market value of a frame of plastic, glass, aluminum, and tungsten. I could be less virtuoso, more whiny, not rageful.

I was doing so well at the game, until it crashed. But I didn't. I would re-start the lifetime views.

Detection of hypocrisy is chintzier than a flashing necklace from walmart. Just waiting for Jared Kushner to stab dad in law to death with an executive order pen. What can anyone say anymore? Google cannot invent a translator from right-wing cultist to Other. I'll embrace being a partisan, still turn away in disgust, and feel righteous besides.

Let's get serious. Figuratively assassinate the mad king. Cause I'm literally at the end of my rope. Auto-erotic asphyxiation didn't work. So might as well hang myself, and blame it on ativan.

Michael Brooks, the mentor I never met

I have a lot of podcast fraaaaands that I listen to every day. They don't know me but they're my best buds. I have to know their tak...