I like porn better anyway

they’ve said i’m a good lover – but i still prefer porn – and i prefer drugs to orgasm – i’m more human than you – it’s what separates me from the animals, except the monkeys who’ve been wired to freebase coke IVs and will self-administer the substance instead of food through starvation - i’m synthetic man

sex bores me – the first few times with the same partner are mind blowing bliss – then it becomes rote and obligatory – they get insecure that i don’t come and it kills my tantric buzz, i get nervous, negative imprints accumulate, i lose interest but feel pressured to pretend otherwise - the times i do feel spontaneous passion rarely count for anything, rarely nudge the already completed construct in their heads of me as a sterile eunuch droid

i like the comforts of a relationship, i love to love and be faithful, and share a life with someone - but sex poisons everything, because it is a drug for me – my eyes keep roving for the next hit, the next beauty, even if i’ve forbidden myself the consummation of those pleasures – consummation is a false religion, a dry dream

i’m such a baby when it comes to relationships – my experience is limited, i don’t know what i’m doing – pathetically eager to jump right in – she left me after three weeks – the realities “crept up on her”, i found out all the underlying problems in one shebang, out of the blue – and i still don’t understand – but i guess it was the right thing – guess i’ve learned enough about relationships to know i don’t want one – that ship sailed, sunk

if i gotta choose between women and drugs, i’ll choose drugs, my first and last love – they’ve been loyal to me and they don’t fuck me up as much – i constantly apologize for talking about drugs and nothing else – but i’m like an aquabot, apologizing for breathing through its gillotron – fuck it