contemptation

Oh, but I had such contempt for that vape you thought was so cool. Why do you young inheritors of even further along collapse actually like this pink lemonade ice shit? What kinda synthetic estrogen smelling pinkie is this? I'll be an opportunistic janitor in a high school, a scumbag some might say, scavenging vapes from sanitation-theater tampon pouches that would horrify parents if contemplated- so I can try the flavours that are edging-out production of the hourly fulfillment of my transitioned-smoker's lust for tobacco-tinged dopamine button. Ding. Ding. Dang, this one's pooched. But the battery will do three or four more decent last hurrahs if I stash it for about six hours, dunno what lithium scripts these kiddies are running lately.

Well, I won’t be a curmudgeon, as long as you come to the meeting with me, let me be a secret agent recruiter for the grand secular cleansing of the globe, to kill the ones that need to be killed, the billionaires to be blunt, even the ones with identities who’ve made rap music or girlboss moves - also could maybe add mid-level grifting wolves [no not ‘wolves’, that sounds too cool, maybe ticks rather], blood suckers, worshippers of mammon, irish, jew, comedian, caucasian, asian, incel, whatever identity you want to throw on it like a cyber truck wrap gifted by influencer sneako.

We could dehumanize anyone ground down to a power-addicted insect incapable of morality or decency or cooperating for the common good of all human life, and maybe some animal life, we're not sure, still debating that one among ourselves, and fetuses and viability and anti-natalist vs pro natalist reddit warriors each claiming the mantle of the earth. 

Interesting dreams lately. 

But they're... fleeting...? Don't know. Don't even know if I don't know, but suspect that. Nice to not know something. Life is so endlessly interesting, it seems, some times. Frantically, when ego deteriorating, sometimes scramble for covers of identities to try on, try your hand at, like a deluded cover artist identity, thinking that was in any way a passable version.

Don't know how much time I have left before I'm completely dragged under by the dram - that dram meme, I want to find it, was haunting me. 

the undertow of the watery dark magic of dim delirium - but the emotions aren't dim, even undulating in that deathy oscillation, near non existence, yet existing, yearning for things, almost able to grasp fantasies that could never be in reality