It's too much.
Go semi or full ascetic for a while? Maybe there's even joy and peace to be found there. Could be my new religion. The church of pug and healthy living doing healthy things. Hard to integrate with other modes right now. Prolly folly to try. Am I trying not to try? Not sure. Gears grinding against each other.
It's a lot.
Potential agenda for tomorrow? Work on myself. Including mojo back. Catch up with things, but especially pug. Initialize. Initiate.
Let's age and chill out. Peace and joy to be found. Even rebellious adventures, a road trip in a getaway car but it won't get far, but what a fucking journey, and who ever gets out alive? Nobody, by the grace of god. What use for that word, ever? Thus?
I want marching orders. I pine for them, it's pathetic. But maybe the only basis for any action. But the righteousness of that action is so suspect, cause if I can't be a leader in that basic sense, lead myself to the right conclusion how can I trust I'm not being misled? Is that why they invent gods and heroes? A god for horses who looks just like a horse. Neigh.
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