17 Jan 2005

game over – insert quarter to continue

I don't mind so much being a loser except for the loser stigma. It's a shame projected by society, a society that interprets Darwin’s theories to mean that the survival of the fittest members is a moral victory. I can't seem to escape that platform.

It's something that's probably psychologically inseparable from even a sophisticated primate, 99% of our DNA screaming to us through every nerve with every inhalation and heartbeat of our place in the hierarchy, and are we winning or losing the game? It’s an instinct both Jamie Lewis and Mung the Chimp can relate to.

It's a vital organ of the phantom beast they call "dignity", sometimes becoming the ego in a vile rampage. The fifty year old boys from secret fraternities are indeed controlling what we see and do from ivory towers, giving us guidelines, issuing edicts, propagating what is "acceptable" and what is "sensible" and what constitutes success.

Because, don't the parallels to nature's losers stare you in the face every day, in the pathetic faces of obese, cancerous european races? The evolutionary cul-de-sac approaches with greater and greater speed as the technocrats put the pedal to the metal and hope the rocket thruster they installed under the car lifts us above the suburban homes and off into space before impact.

"Loserdom" is a state of mind but also a shard of reality within the framework of contests and gauntlets that are shared utilities and institutions and corrals for vast sections of my species. More than that, they are gut feelings, awareness of how the sociopathic elite provoke your ire while striking such fear into your heart as well, so that you keep your distance and hardly dare comprehend their intricate systems of dominance in day to day affairs, as well as long ongoing games.

I didn’t know I was supposed to feel indignity at having achieved my current level of income and nothing else professionally. Being a loser in this society adds insult to the injury of being poor, and it's worse than the poverty: it’s a demoralizing life-spoiler, a deadening. Perhaps the answer is not to wave my finger at what I call “society” but rather inhabit a new, easily available reality, partially fashioned by me. Find the alternatives in or out of the system, alternative ethos, independent underground. I know I’ve already found a good portion of it.

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