gone under

I could nod my head, wordlessly, to trite, shallow observations, but I thought I'd go a little deeper on this occasion - not sure if it's appropriate - but I'm also not sure that living life according to some self-imposed neurosis of what propriety is, is appropos either.

Well now that I'm here, maybe I'll wrangle it till it's unrecognizable. I'm chasing unconsciousness, so maybe that's a stylish way to do it. I said "broken telephone", but I got a lot of puzzled looks and blank states, like nobody knew what I was talking about. One of those. But I've also got a cap of apa. In the figurative sense. Figurative is as far as I can sense. A pale sensation. I'm water colored, today.

The extent to which I value art is inversely proportional to how much I value society. I once said, emotions rule. They do in my little world. My thoughts can transcend feelings, but they won't change the way I feel. Meta-programming sounds like a nice idea, but it's not something I could throw myself into. I think I missed the boat on that. My ship came in, but I was sleeping under the docks. Using the techniques of Cosmic Trigger to go stone crazy. Magic works, apparently. I don't doubt the claim.

I'm still chasing unconsciousness, which is not healthy. It's going to be a long crawl back to health, sobriety, enthusiasm for the life affirming things. A long crawl out of this jagged hole. Another improv, sarcastic and sincere. One of those nights that make you want to hide forever. And it wasn't even that bad. Good at times. I only fell down once, and then I got back up and pretended I was a gymnast. Instead of the putrid perverse pederast I felt like. Dancing with Shannon and Kadafi to classic early millenium Metric.

Are my dice hot? Or not?
Charting higher than the B sharps?

Maybe the objective world is right - maybe everything is the same except my needs changed. Need creates the void. Intelligence is one thing - acting on intelligence, that's a level most people don't get to. Like solving the partial differential equation. It's more base and real to let your words slur like they do when you're in the company of creatures of heirarchy who won't hire you but will lend you a smoke - it's more base and real to realize things, but not have that affect your life any - i won't even say style. The animal in humanity. A gnostic split? I don't think there's any knowledge these days. There's nag hammadi, but I don't trust the translaters.

I've gone under, like the rest of you.

In 2012, I will channel the saving grace, knowledge, salvation, capital G gnosis. Until then, fuck your ipod.