moping, moping, moping, moping. Moping. Sleep is the only escape.
It's so tired, this routine. Pledging abstinence, relapsing, depression, pledging abstinence, relapsing... My loved ones are too nice to me. It hurts how they forgive me. But I wouldn't have it any other way. What a fix.
All the good memories from crossroads, the good people, the feeling of getting better - it's all tainted now, I wasted it, sold it for magic beans. What a stupid fuck I am. But that's part of the routine too, self-flagellation. Fuck that, what purpose does it serve?
I dunno, just writing. Writing is theraputic - not as good an escape as sleep, but it helps a bit. Okay, a few more hours of moping, then I'll sleep. It's all part of the routine. But I can break the cycle. I know I'm not a slave, goddamnit. I can take initiative, I can run this corporation.
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Got no one to talk to, so I’m venting online. So, I really tried to hustle this week. Applied to five places. Even with the xanax it was har...
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Actual composition instead of an hour-long improv indulgence, 'sbeen a while. I wanted to call it The Dandy Whoremonger, but settled on ...
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Doing a writing exercise, I guess, is what I'm doing. Because I've hardly written anything for months. Since I got sober, yet again....
not paranoid when you should be just one of my normal keyboard improvisations, nothing special, except that it's recorded on a real grand.
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