spoiler alert

I'm breathing, sharing air molecules with the earth's population in aggregate, sharing atoms with my ancestors. God's breath. Whoopdefuckindoo. What a time to foist deeply spiritual literature on myself. I made it through the Glass Bead Game. I even wrote notes on some parts I thought were cool. Some of it stirred something in me, like the future society within society: art and thought has progressed to the point where nothing new can be created, and a certain honesty and acceptance about this has dawned. Hence, the glass bead game, a godly passtime. That is something that resonates for me, horrifying yet tranquilizing. And the end, the death of Joseph Knecht in the glacial lake, that was a shocker for me, I admit, and beautiful in a way I can't justify. And the maya epiphany of the Indian Life, I haven't overdosed on Hinduism yet, so there was room in my blood-pumping organ for a bit of maya. All in all though, it was a chore slogging through those 568 pages. It found me at the wrong time. I appreciate the gift Rose, you're so sweet. I should try the Bukowski book you bought me. I brought it with me to this rock.

I'd never call myself an atheist. The word is too specific. It's a merit badge for boy scouts, self-satisfied, self-proclaimed intellectual realists. I'm non spiritual, that's what I am. Spiritually dead. Tried to read Spiritual Quest. The more pages I read, the more disgusted I became. The meaninglessness is overwhelming. Life is like a box of chocolates. Stupid is as stupid does.

The incredible string band is playing in my head. Maya... Maya... All these things. Lovers, his Loins. Thanks again Rose, you reminded me of that cool song, and the fidelity of my mind's ear has increased exponentially, in the midst of this cabin fever delirium, a kind of sensory deprivation. I forced down some seafood stew here at the Wiseman Center, it was alright in a weird sort of way, I even allowed breath through the nasal passage after it was all gone. I've been the Ugly British Columbian today, ungrateful, letting loose, bitching, cursing this province, as if it needs the hindrance. Checking myself by remembering all the cool people, the charm, the love. I'll write a checklist.