stagnation party

like this, like that - everybody likes everything on facebook - a necessary evil, like everything else - i wish i could turn off the sidebar, that advertises what all my friends like - i like the bukowski book, thanks rose - his masculine bitchiness fits my mood

it's this thing again, this thing where i want to express something, but i'm tired, and uninspired, apathetic to everything except apathy, wanting some way out - i can't express anything except how my left eye stings and burns, because i got ash in it, then forced the lid open to try and brush it out, which didn't work, so i doused it with water, and rubbed at it, and now it's so sore, hours later, and my eyes were kind of fucked up even before that, always sore and achey - the least they could do is look bloodshot, so i could feel like i'm valiantly struggling through some ordeal, but they look normal, except for some vague thing that looks like a dent in the cornea, but that might just be me seeing something that was there all along as a possible injury, because i'm looking for causes for this invisible discomfort

i want to close my eyes and take a siesta, the coffee doesn't keep me on the hamster wheel, caffeine isn't much of an anti-drug - the good times are gone, aren't they? i'll have to settle for reasonable and responsible times, or maybe there's an ashram i can sweep up around when i feel the zen meditation as too monotonous to bare

yes, this is where life has led me - this is the consequence of, whatever all those things added up to - this is me, as precursor for future fossil fuel - that's what organic material is good for