my term won't expire
what innocuous-looking street will lead to the next polite fight? falling short, fail, abort, retry, what will it be next time? another exhausting pondering? or an accusation just deserved enough to spur me on, to try to right another wrong, in an endlessly repeating fraction? i ought to care about this - i have to care about that - oh i know, sorry - i'm not apathetic about not caring - why not quadruple the negative while we're at it? it would be so wonderful if i cared, i'd be the person i agree i ought to be - you have no idea how hard i try, to care, i push shit uphill, both ways
i wish i could shrug it all off, and stop caring about what i don't care about - i wish i could stop trying to pretend - i haven't been my own man since, well, childhood - so is this me being an adult? then the game ain't worth the candle
oh, here's a drain wave again - a whirl down the spout
thought i had energy today
thought i didn't need coffee
almost fooled myself about there being a new page
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