27 Jun 2012

friends crumble together

i still think i should steal for a living

i won't be a master thief, i won't be an apprentice, i won't even be on the fucking journey - i'll be a rogue, and it'll all be for the two ends of the mind-altering spectrum, crack, and heroin, in that order - i'll craft a reason for why the world deserves it, more or less, how i tried to make an honest living, how i'm simply not up to the task, i'm a defective product, this is all there is to do, there's no one minding the store, no point in holding back...

that being typed, as i'm wont to type things, on blogger, so i'll sleep a little better having written something, i'm not going to be cracking open some wine, any wine, to see if i can get back into it again, i know there's nothing to be getting back into, well, it's so spaghettified on the other side of the event horizon, it's logic defying to even think about going back there - what's forward? i don't know, i don't think i can live in the future either - the moment, well, the moment's sore, and it's a little weighted down by me projecting, like i do, but it's also one of those things where the infrastructure is holding out, in late june, again, maybe it's so much a trend now that i haven't developed a proper weariness to the apocalypse is nigh drone...

but MY apocalypse is nigh, i don't know when, but my face is hinting that it's coming - i just can't imagine how i can't be dragging my apocalypse into everybody's world, i guess it's not as shared as i think - and i'm not autistic, maybe i'm on the spectrum, but grant me a little bit of empathy and i will do what i can to meet you halfway - or maybe not, maybe today isn't one of those halfway days

1 comment:

chels said...

oh, jonathan. i wish i had any good words of support and encouragement to give you. some great, inspiring pep-talk about you can do it, we believe in you, look and these great examples, these trite little stories about success and overcoming. but i hate like hell the times anyone tries to give me those talks... so i will just say this: thank you for the email you sent. it meant a lot and i'm sorry i haven't written back, but i'm here if you need to talk to someone. and as long as you're following your heart, things generally work out ok. not without pain and loss and suffering, but they work out. it's what i keep telling myself, anyway.
"grant me a little bit of empathy and i will do what i can to meet you halfway - or maybe not, maybe today isn't one of those halfway days"
my whole month of may was exactly like that. <3 chels