23 May 2013

irony is dead, long live irony

i don't quite remember how to write, or what it was for, but my heart still beats - medulla keeps meddling - i don't remember what it was for, cause everything seems to be past tense now - i've been in a downward spiral of diminishing returns trying to recapture old feelings - they're the only feelings i know

there's a scary asshole self who is negative, like mephistopheles, who carves a lumpen proletariat into a renaissance man - it's interesting to note that i know this man, that can farm words from the driest desert, who always has something to say - the mileage i get from liquor combusts memory efficiently, in equal measure



i don't quite remember what writing is, or what it was for, but it pleases me, or did in the past - it's pleasing to plant seeds by just typing and feel that something is taking root even after i'm done typing, and simply lying in bed, drifting off to sleep - the words remain like a lineage - at least in my hippocampal torus network, so solo... so many lonely people - suffering alone

i wonder if i could foment a personal apocalypse or two with words... i used to have that hubris, now i just wonder - but maybe i'll be driven to try it, is it still possible to drive this hurtin' unit? make a play for the something or other, fuck some shit up? pain pain and gain? i ain't talkin' bout no revolution, i'm talking about love, but what a bizarre word that is today, i'm so defeatist, i don't deserve anything, do i?  that's what got me into this most recent mess in the first place, was aiming higher, aiming for love, like as if i would have any business operating on that stata


Anonymous said...


hiccup said...

me and the justinius was just discussing the l word. he has to take a d&a court ordered group program and one of the things the leader says is a basic human need is love.

semantically, there's a lot to argue both for and against that idea. he was taking the con and i the pro, but after arguments and thought, we both admitted to an extent of truth in both positions.

define both life and need for yourself,in terms of what will keep you from suicide and there is your answer. i think, in a heirarchy of needs, Love is in the top 5. others will disagree, but that's simply there blindness, and wishful thinking. Love with a MODIFIER, ie, romantic...well, that's one of those choice in the face of serendipity things. if it happens though, i say let it. cuz if it happens you must deserve it.

i always see you on chat when i'm checkin my email in the pm at work. sorry i can't say hi. what are your hours?

Hector the Crow said...

hey lynze - i always appreciate your thoughts, thanks - my hours are... complicated, heh - i'm working nights now, going to sleep in the morning, or around noon, waking up in the evening - but i seem to be flipping myself around on my days off, and up more in the day - so, if you can't be visible on gmail for whatever reason, that's okay, but message me whenever, i'll most likely be in sync at some point

cutoff - Cutoff from nothing, it's okay, there was nothing there anyway - wallfacer, door closing, wallfacer project... let's cut ...