holi jeebus

i don't really know what happened
i didn't have a plan, i didn't have auxilliaries, or whatever other aux fairies
demand laxatives in their teas
it was just chaos
it was profound
like it usually is
when i do dissociative anaesthetics

it's too bad i go straight to stone cold crazy chaos
because k is an extremely POTENT and USEFUL TOOL to explore the mind
but i can't play the powersaw like a virtuoso, i'm all over the keyboard
wow, 6:33, almost solstice time - marooned - jesus - kangover, for sure, gritty, should i try and sleep it off? nausea hitting me bad now - stupid - ugh - gotta work today - but i knew it would be like this - i will recover

total chaos

was epic and nihilistic

those nodes and networks of cosmic cause showed up again, and the house on stanley st. seemed to be a focal point, nexus, and floorboards, and nord notes, and recent associations all figured in, but wow, yeah, it really does take you to alternate universes, by that i mean, ALTERNATE or OTHER states of being that seem just as solid as reality. Springy. Hinged on a different paradigm. Alien gravity.

I think I'm done hooping k. Stupid thing to do. It's gross, nauseaus. Not that bad really, considering how much I did, but... would rather IM. Hazy kangover. Not fun. Still can't type well. What did it all mean? A lot. Too much. I didn't really pay attention. But I flowed well. I let it bleed. I bloodlet. I bled into that universe. I gave myself to it, I grooved with its alien gravity, I found a rhythm. Syncopated at times. It was cool. It sucks coming back to the body. The stomach and the head are not fond of these stupid stunts the mind demands. Tweak my brain, snort these frankenchems, tweak my brain! Nevermind the consequences, synthetic deposits? who cares? well, in the k hole, the body is whatever you want it to be, a city, a planet, energy, whatever...

good lord

it's hard coming back from a heavy k trip, it's a big heavy body load... gotta try and sleep so i can sort of refresh, and then work - it was fun i guess - interesting - good to be reminded there are those other realities out there - actually, it lets me examine mind in a pure form to some extent, i can see consciousness for itself, of course, i don't get the milleage mckenna and those folks get out of it - but actually, it shows me how pristine and fine my mind can be, it's not a flashy drug, but actually, when i thought of mckenna, and his fixation on imagination, i saw a chrysalis spinning in floral latticework, the power of the mind, intricasies that i can't describe, k sharped my visual sense nicely when i let it, it's actually very malleable, if i deign to take the reins -- focus, i thought about mckenna, as a person, a person whose ideas and personality have resonated with me, a dead person, what is a person?