confetti for kansan ghosts

haha, nevermind, just kidding
don't take my comments seriously

cause in reality, i'm still a bitter masochist in drugged oblivion, alternately feeding on my own pain secreted from internal pain glands, and anaesthetizing myself, and i wrote you a reconcilatory message on a coke bender, haha, what a joke - one of a thousand such messages that i awoke to in the morning, ashamed, ugh, cringe, blatant gregarity, insufficient apathy, ultimate fakery, why must my feelings be all or nill? but zoloft smushes it all into a manageable paste, thank the void

so anyway, how's your drinking career going? at least you're not sticking needles into yourself - i have to work in five hours cause i agreed to do the morning shift at the hume - embarking on a six day work week, gonna make all i can out of the hotel before i get out on the streets and become a bum, yeah, i was gonna be an artist but my gastro-intestinal system has been quiet lately, don't think i have the stomach for the job - gonna eat mac and cheese when i feel the need - but before i do my agreed-to hume hotel morning shift, i'm going to go to the 7-11, thank god they're open all night, oh, i do believe in god when the seven eleven lights are shining down on me in the middle of the night, and i'm going to buy a pack of smokes, because i'm a smoker now, at least for today, cause i decided i would continue thinking about my next hit long enough to purchase a pack, and eschew the sobriety trip i planned this morning, and i'm also going to buy two bottles of robitussin liquigels - going to take them home, melt them down in the microwave like i used to melt sucrets, extract the dextromethorphan, mix with sterile water, cook, and draw into a three milliliter syringe which i will then stick into the main vein of my left arm - oh fuck, dxm isn't water soluble so i can't inject it - i wouldn't think, anyway - whoops, that kind of derails my plan - maybe i should just go to sleep - but i can't sleep

the kbars are closed

how many times can you be confused and enlightened before you go numb? i think the topical anesthetic is starting to do its work, but it's still taking too long - and i haven't laid the telepathic groundwork yet, wink wink, nudge nudge, do you remember what i said in your dreams last night? it wasn't a whisper, i yelled till my skeleton buckled