26 Jan 2013

just riffing on "friends"

it didn't mean as much as it sounded like it might have meant - not that it meant nothing - it mostly meant, i guess, that i associate the death of relationships with the loss, not only of my best friend, but all the other friends i gained through osmosis, and that's a bitter pill - i make that association disproportionately to how much i've lost in reality - but there has been loss - i'm sure for you too - and the thoughts of your suicidal thoughts haunt me - but probably no one's gonna be offing themselves anytime soon - and mere thoughts are not worth a reaching out, mere talk of suicide - talk's cheap, and even wrist scars are a dime a dozen, though i'd value them higher than OTC-ODs

a lot of muck of dreams though, and things churning in the swamps, dunno if i'd call them love but they're entwined with slimy tendrils, watery and dark magic squirming out of my control, i'm left sore and powerless

i'm not actually sure what anyone else might have lost - but lately, syd barrett lines are bouncing off the cave walls in maddening lattices - wouldn't you miss me at all? well, i can block the haunt with headphones, ghost voices aren't so scary when i'm blasting specific frequencies through my ear canals as a buffer - distraction only half-works, dreams have the last laugh - still i prefer those laughs to the cruelty of the self-reflecting mind on the fringes of sleep - that's when the ghosts devour me, that's the only time they can, albeit briefly in objective time, but it's so insidious how subjective it gets on those fringes, and how delusional flaws balloon to infinity - and molecules could be spiritual if i could comprehend their function in planck constants through megayears

1 comment:

Tasha Klein said...

'some of this stuff' .. a mixture of automatic writing and cut-ups. i cut up - a cut up of a cut up of a cut up - then i shake, rattle and roll.. twist and tweak, add and/or delete. if something i like starts to develope, i go with the flow. if not, i toss it.