Trying to be perky. Like I am with people I can be bothered with. As "on" as I am with anyone but frustrated and low. Attempting to see a sliver of good in things. Or Cheshire God in things. You won, God, you won the game of hide and seek. I couldn't even find you, you're so sneaky.
Trying not to take things too personally. Don't take them more personally than you need to, beyond the hard reality you better get used to, that they are judging you, of course, uhdoy. So the game is to endure their searing gaze until you're bigger than them. Like when you find god behind the couch in the woods on the mountain. Like you can creatine your way out of the low rung blues, do the protein shake, a fake plan of action.
Fuck it instrymental, horse-corpse percussion, swiping now the co-opted form with the added bonus of sentence case. Idle in details.