17 Sep 2007

love and self-loathing

What do I do? Do I copy romantic comedy clichés that aren't funny in real life? Have you ever even seen one acted out in real life? Would I be the first to realize that cartoon?

Love and self-loathing. I'm not worthy, but I want it.

Maybe I like the awful idea that it takes as long to get over the relationship as it took to enjoy/endure it. A symmetrical ripple of equidistance angst. Because then I can stop souring all experience with the feeling of failure, and wrap myself up in the blanket of defeat - bundled up, besieged by the better people, who make me look bad. Maybe there was compassion in the notion of down-time. In sharing it. Seeking will drive me insane. But waiting will drive me insane. It's all a draining game.

1 comment:

Hazel said...

"A symmetrical ripple of equidistance angst"- nice line.

"and wrap myself up in the blanket of defeat - bundled up" Funny... I like the metaphor.

Take care- and try and get out of those full time schedules!

Maybe I do wanna be a sucker. Maybe it's better than a pointless sense of superiority. Miserable sense. Maybe better to get suckered in ...