oh man - it's alright - i think
just need to retire, build a fire, a camp site, the unknown i'm chasing is burning my fingertips, my pre-cogs are spinning off their sprockets - it's like, unfulfillment is my comfort zone, attaining anything i'm seeking is too scary - or maybe it's just that i made too strong a brew of coffee to deliver flyers and i'm still buzzing like a honeybee, and feeling dreadful and guilty for ego tripping and luxury, and over-extending, reaching for too many people, and all the calming mp3s of droney voices aren't calming me down - i need a shower and maybe a morsel of food - and i need to clean my place, but i dunno if i'm up for it - and i need to sleep to wake up today and finish my deliveries, and lest i forget, get another 3 bundles of flyers from the telegram, cause, my fault, my fault, i didn't count right when i re-checked for the delivery guy, and of course, i gotta resolve the issue of my accidentally voided cheque, no one else is gonna do it for me, i need that money, for my trail of debts and i think i need a doctor's appointment, a neurotic hypochondriac cheque in, what's with these withdrawal symptoms? i'm taking the same dose of SSRIs, maybe i should quit, do you know anything about SSRI withdrawal? they never do, but they could give their blessing, i'll feel smart when i tell them i'll compensate with 5htp in low doses on a full stomach as the spring thaw comes, and by the way, i need champax to quit cigs, cause the unfiltered tobacco debris is mixing with this pre-cold mucus and it's hitting home how black my lungs are getting, so, what's purpose, what's productive? composing mellowtron music for my dad? yeah, one of many things i feel too fried to do - contemplating mario kart to wind down, or would it wind me up?
it's always the ebb, or a power surge, i don't got the wattage to run the energy that pulses through me when i open the gates, eh? oh well - sounds like a good sign off - oh well - tapwater and vitamin pills
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