Rustory

rust on metal
rust in metal
a bloom

it’s over
nothing to hope for
end of story

rustbloom

it’s done
no hopes to be dashed
anymore, fallacious record
in the smoldering library ruins
pain, shame, forgotten

rustbloom

the latest dance craze

yo everybody
do the hectrizm

its a twirl in a chizm
and a chizm in yo chazm, for that matter

yo everybody
do the hectrizm
then do a spin spain'll
just for fun
fuck ya ah

do the hectrizm
it’s easy
you just twist like this
then you twist like that
and keep twisting till you start frothing

ahlraaahty, ahm awtayheya

if it's not sigma, then it's not

and i mean that, let's go fly a kite up where the air is clear -- it sounds better with the chorus... soaring soaring soaring, up where the air is clear, oh by the power of my concave chest i dedicate myself to windfarms... and i will always be the little crack in the basement

i have had a vision

God touched me.

It felt good.

Familiar.

I'm drinking beer with God.
It's a good time.

God's got a bottle opener.
He opened His beer Himself.

It's a god meeting.
It's a garden party.
There is trance music.
It is shambhalala aha haha.

I’m meeting God

in a sunny room

with white walls

and force of life.

I’m going

to go into medicine.

I’m going

to become a doctor, fuck yeah, God

damn, goddayum ummum mum.

Forget 2012

it's all about 008.

If it’s not sigma, then it’s not.

And I mean that.

Thus, it follows.

Let’s go

fly a kite, up where the air is clear.

It sounds better with the chorus, soaring

soaring soaring, up

where the air is clear, O

by the power of my concave chest

I dedicate myself to windfarms.

and i will always be the little crack in the basement

take what you can get

have your doll houses

5% borax

aha

itchy

allergin

it's a stepping stone

springs

i can't do much with this blog

but i can do battle

we've arrived
after chicken fat
and baking soda
to the ultimate spring placemat
of this conjunction of words which is:

placement is the mystery you never knew or did you? hey, check out my left labyrinth, how does it work? i dunno, i never drexed here before and i never covered my tracks it was back then when things fell apart and i smiled, and i was happy, when the universe owed me, hahahahaha

okay, that's too many has
they'll be rotting on the carts
surplus, what'll we do oo oo oo oo oo oo
another go round?
ow ow ow ow?
wow?
yow?
for fuck's sake
i will be your savior if i don't have to do anything

this is the time i burned
i could say a lot more on that subject and i probably will
jonesying for the aftermath, but not reelee

hey you

i love riding the ride - that's why i came here in the first place - it's the starship enterprise capstone - or something - now i snap my jaw - and all space falls into place - ladies and gentlemen - thinking is stupid - i so brilliantly say - haha

mean mean people, telling me i don't write anything worth knowing - i know, i know - it's okay - let it roll, let it riddle... let it ride - i am OUT of it, whacked out, remember that? what is left? silly little stubs of cigarettes? i guess i like it best online, haha, when i'm flattened to a plane between dimensions... fuck, nothing, drifty solvents - solvents are always there - i have more words for you - i could write more stuff - hey you - i referenced you

safehouse

jack is a carolina lawyer - good guy - he is soluble in water, tragically, but it's only as tragic as beethoven's 14th tearpool if you know what i mean - and you do - so i slid down the highways, i rode down the freeways, i itched, i burned dinosaurs, i brought back books, those are the treasures, right now is weird time though, paranoia, and anger, and guilt, and shame, and wanting to be something you're not

i know how fucked up people are

good god in heaven the house is mine and i slump
down for another attempt at an epic dollhouse

i love itchingwingy

your head is bobbling, it comes with
various things, garlic whispers, spring confusion, yes

i remember your head
you got yourself a treasure trove
it was good time, partners in ecstasy

i'm a fucked up product of this age

i'm a good guy basically, but i'm itchy, and things are coming apart, but you can feel the rhythm just NOW SLAM dampple on that hit, right there, and again NOW

truckin' vitamin C, haha, the funnie papiers, flurries of grits and flits

oh yeah - indulgence
oh god yayah, the handyman can
manufacture candy at a fraction of the price
you would expect of such a case

the world is big and scary
my head is small and comfy

buckets of love

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check out the graveyard
ants eating your aunt's eyes

it's hard to be stoic
when there's nothing to live for

in the frozen fish corner of the supermarket
pronouns will be her path to glory

magic fader

once i conjured synesthetic braille

i didn’t have to try very hard

colors were tasty, contours loved me

vonnegut hated me

then i drank a bottle of glenfiddich

and had the best drunk of my life

a literate drunk alone

posting poetry and replies

spinning, nauseous to a

spiritual hangover

when penance didn’t hurt

now it’s different

now there’s more channels

and most of them don’t work

but i keep my finger on the magic fader

stay to the left

and you’ll get through the maze

i love my magic fader

i love my magic fader

it is my favourite fader

because it’s magic

there is no magic anywhere

except the fader

that’s why i keep my finger

on the magic fader

i got a magic fader

smells like a magic marker

it is a lucky charm

it only works on me

i wish it worked on you

i love my magic fader

i love my magic fader

it is a lucky charm

it keeps my fingers busy

this is how we do it on creek street

this is how we like it on creek street

it used to be like this on stanley street

but they moved on to bigger and better things

and he gave the lease to somebody else

some earthbound family, not the cosmic family

and i would invite fast friends from the rotwood porch

into my corner to play with the magic fader

it was not my fader, it was our fader, we’d have magic parties

that would fade, but there was a picture of a mixing board

on the fridge to remind us of the magic fader

that might have some earthly avatar

in a studio temple in the mountains

across the lake

stay to the right

and you’ll get through the night

i got a welfare cosmos

i got a welfare co-ah-ah-ah-ah-os-mos

pharm-fresh filling up the cavity

we'll call absence substance tonight

kootenay snow in the sinuses

state boundaries make good riddles

empty heads make good rattles

good nexus makes a good nexus

i got a welfare cosmos

i got a good deal

take it with a grain of salt

and a gram of soma

this is how we do it on creek street

this is creek street welfare

galactic information warfare (sic)

every good boy deserves fentanyl

~~~

i’ve got nothing to say

the pungent lines i wrote two houses ago

have gone rancid, cerebro spinal fluid, perishable

but i have the gall to make them look poetic

tomorrow i’ll weave them into a fugue

for geese and clouds

aphex to take me out

meadow soprano was right
you have to learn to block stuff out
unless you want to be insane
unless you want to be insane

can you blame these psychotic suicide case columbine kids?
it’s all the mercury in the fish
they’re just like their neurotic parents
i have so many flavors of craziness and depression waiting for me
so many desperate attempts at synthesizing a life
life after burnout, life in the middle age, life begins at 40
so many role models
can you blame them?
it’s all the subliminal messages in the television programming
it’s all the lead in the paint

medical technology
can tell us how advanced our disease is
i’m a connoisseur of disease, all i can write about
the scab i’m subsumed in

all the recent downloads
are diseased
and everything is bullshit
everything i write, everything everybody else writes
music is pointless, drugs are placebos
and everything is bullshit
except aphex, why is it that aphex always works?
when i’m feeling desolate, aphex somehow makes
desolation and desperation feel right
beautiful, selected ambient works volume 2

i WAS looking for a drug, but not just any drug
i wanted dramamine, cause hedonism trips
aren’t working, but sleep always works
like aphex
i’m drowning and the house is on fire, is it?
good for the house, i’ll take dictation
hear it in the hallucinogenic toreador
and i love drammies, and i love dreams
and life is so cruel to me lately
people hate me, or maybe it’s paranoia
but dreams and aphex are good to me

cassey clarke the paranoid mutant - we live under the sea
she just got through with them, but is she through with me?
i can't see from here

key lime

at the end of a swoon
pixies giggling around the corners
at the end of a swoon
wanting to cry, not being able to
swooning for the fairies, flailing

how much is paranoia, how much is reality?
what can one say? how down is baseline
how much deeper could i go,
sinkholes in your kitchen? call 555-


karma suppository, antacid dissonant base
it's taking too long to hit rock bottom
i don't want a faith healer
i could believe in her lips

my doing

she thought i could handle it
but she was wrong
i couldn't deal
with being left
we'll start this off with a raz reference, i guess

now we'll provide some space






because she goes well with the void now
feng shui is a bitch
and i'm curled up in her corner
on pharmaceutical sleep


i never know what to do
when i get paranoid
i don't have mantras
love to, love you
i love you
and that's alright
i came out of a mountain pass in a video game
left part of my brain on the apartment porch
i don't quite believe what i'm told about blacking out
but i wish i was back on the beach
i wish i could have kept the good vibes
those vibes that justify love
i don't know how to act
in such situations
i'm not a lover
but i'm a lover of love



i could hang on to those souvenirs i bought
sell them, whatever
i'm not interested in maximizing meaning through open-ended metaphors
i just didn't want to plainly mention
the american cigarettes
cause plainly mentioning things
brings unmentioned assumptions, in me, in you
and plainly mentioning things
also brings unwanted realities
like the stupid things i do
to satisfy stupid transient voids
like those I don't want to be apart of
and i'm not that important
and it's not that important
just a fragment, of me being upset tonight
and interpreting things
in a downward spiral i might term a feedback loop
one of those things

i have no friends when i'm this deep in the void
no one knows what to do, they can't help me
need expanded
to undefinable parameters

not sure why i'm writing this
or maybe i know and don't want to say
what i should do is shut the fuck up
and wait for my mood to improve
but i don't know how to improve it
so writing has become one in a series
of desperate measures
this is desperate measure number eight
the same number as art bell's experiment
the one that failed to heal mckenna's brain cancer

indulligent

vistapro
rendering

interpretation
when you can't just perceive

i wanted to ask her interpretation

not as coherent
writing very profound seeming thoughts/feelings
in little out of context poetic fragments
as it would be if i was giving context
straight explication

but, there is also music, sometimes
give me geekdar
then it will fall into place
the scales of justice

how to disappear completely
become invisible
at your beck and call
but an unneeded servant
but i fucked it up
to provide a poetic fragment, of no use
which radically changes the context
but what use is that?

still the weekend
still traveling

bounce off the cold vibes
find the warm i guess
i nixed the idea of comparing notes with a fellow paranoiac
who's more chronic than i am, would hate to be this paranoid all the time
i'm blaming it on the greenhouses, and the dao, both of those things
inability to face
victor consumer
of the chili cookoff

Innocence.

I'm trying to build up an immunity to life. The 35,000 dollar chord progression will be sufficient. Royalties with mudhoney. Figured out a pop aesthetic I suffuse with the sneer of sly sophisticated sarcasm.

Burning eyes. Borrowed time. But I'm not counting the days.

Guilt is poison. Give me sixty-four Sammy years.
I will declare myself innocent.
Innocence is possibility.

It's good to know you. Better than the void.
Baby. Baybee...
It's only teenage wasteland.

I think we integrated, for a moment. It was nice. But I can't take it seriously. It's a situation comedy. It should have an upbeat theme. There's a time for life and a time for living, the choice is up to you, my friend. Sometimes you gotta go where everybody knows your name.

posse pose

we talked outside the coffee shop

it flowed, and when it didn't flow it showed
and that was alright, silence wasn't that awkward
but tense, sexuality seeping from
unintended double entendres
in a way that might be perverse
in stickboy, meters from the kerr apartments
clay's ancient base o' subversion

(master o’ la menage a trois possibilité)
that scorching hot nelson day
when it seemed global warming was catching up with us

we talked about traveling, the bourgeois passtime
slovakian tourist traps, prague
when i saw her in real life, beyond the blog
white cotton straps baring
summer shoulders, a plain of skin
jittery already, and i ordered iced coffee
robyn's recommendation
a friend at the shop i hadn't expected, at least one

we talked about meeting
under the pretext of art
dates, art therapy

she invited me up to her house
where she reclined on a chair
i didn't know what to call it
it was like a hammock chair
i noticed a book by the bed
recommendations
she's read them all
and what have i read?
what car do i drive?

--*--
lynze wouldn't slap me
finchy, buzzed from AA
rapped with us tonight
we R'n'B'd the vote


i'm still with the luxury of style
the style of unfiltered
the style of reuptake inhibited innocence
the style of saying i'm
"i'm"
to give context
to say i'm not trying to maximize meaning
and personal interpretation
by presenting fragments of poetry
such that anyone can see anything
no, it's me here
saying cigarettes should be free
for a pass



mojito bacardi
alcohol travelogue
i'm an easy loser
thus far


everyone's the one
i approach those foreign faces
with a molotov mixture of love and lust

the church of jesus christ of latter day possibility

i'm not spent on love yet
but i'm close, and it treats me like a druggie
leaves me with contempt, for myself and others
listening intently to aloof blond psychics
in a carolina writing room

listening to the hoochie
who is telling me that girl is trying to get over me
let's not make algebra of it
and reduce it to the smooth equation
of the rough and tumble reality
of the fact that it is simply the void
that is hurting me, in the void
i look for what i had
novelty does not come to me, anymore
novelty is in a carolina vibe
no wonder i crashed off that
so high, so low


i will succumb
as long as i can write
i will succumb
that's why i write
because i succumb

to temptation...;
as if you didn't know;

happy poem

tampa - old tampa - industrial park, tritronics, threepronged logo, mortgage warehouse, iris, cafe con liche, sandwich cubano, suz hypnosis, nurse's voice, soft-serve, 1926 houses, eighteen cats, sublingual b12

stuck in reality, the novelty of reality, the reality of novelty, the novelty that reminds me of kansas, walgreen corner that reminds me of corning street, paper money that smells like cocaine, drab money with a tinge of purple signaling a bold new era, imagination on hold, nothing new to add, nothing to be but a point of comparison

i'm always a lurker, except during indecent ego-trips that never get crazy enough, george costanza's opposite day sounds good to me, maybe one day i'll do opposite day, when all the variables are right, when the nelson nexus forms again, when lightening strikes me twice, when the second time's the charm and i don't see my face in the mirror anymore

destined to be eternal, a truly divine pranque when i'm waiting for the dao to manufacture a new flavor of potato chip, a seasoning that reverses polarities

godspeed, one parsec a second, happy poem delivered to dead cells by mercurial couriers, except for like, apostrophies, praying for a future caste, miner of asteroids, don't have it in me to be a mechwarrior, too many tattoos that you can't see

drink like a fish

hydrate, dillute the poison
and stop short of the goal
hydrate and embrace physical pain
as superior to mental pain

physicalize, doc said

gingerly

naked slash \\
\\ --------

// --------
\\
pretty much broke the ice last night
debauched -- it's morning in america
jack and jenni's
not a fashion show
unless you want it to be

asdf lkjh
sdfg ;lkj

easter baskets
creeper corridors

sjfldka;

lifeboat
drammy rations
sufficient soporifia
hazelnut drowse for the demi-urge, half-gnostic
room for error, sun-drenched, graceful gravy, amputech

everybody's cool on the lifeboat
drifting past the god-glorifying speedboat
subtext is visible

i remember the power jacket
i could wear it again
and walk around carolina
might be a life vest
for a dead-weighted mind
leaky, bound to drown
despite the buoyancy
of these strange and beautiful creatures

haze and horizons
photographs, clear conveyance of fading significance

Svalbarð

there will be laughter, again
receptors will receive, again

what's with the maritime metaphors this morning?
i don't want to know because i'm sure the answer is mundane
answers usually are
gonna write my bogus memoirs of a viking career
on the porch of svalbard station


when you learn enough about suffering
you turn to the six strings

~laptop~ rave on the breakfast table
incest on a macro scale
tryptamines in an altoids tin
i've had enough tagging along on shopping expeditions
to last me several lifetimes
no music day, no meta day
bastille day without the connotation of decapitation
depose the panel frames


neo forgot about the soupy goo, he's real now, a real boy, keanu

toxin tea
xtreme chai
javamonster
same strip, different state
different people, different idioms
stimulation

cross-purposes
suppressed possibilities
wave wavey wave wavey wave
literary retreat


(oo)

new york

i was mostly me

insecure, alone, independent, bold in that fateful dream way, what else is there to do? no knocking, just approaching, like everything’s a desk with an aloof and vaguely threatening clerk

alternate life, a bit younger, newer, more capable, more future, naïve but ready to rise to the occasion, of finding myself, for some reason, enrolled in a downtown manhattan institute of higher learning, touring the massive-scale density of a contemporary urban edublock, various dorms with names like a cross between a shambhala camp and a toronto subway station in garish neon green timesquare profile lettering, but classy, designed by sly american psychos – checking into my dorm, prior arrangements made in subterranean networks, fiber-optic nursery rhymes, solemn child nodding, running into my cosmopolitan roommates like a ripple in loony dreamfate, fractals and butterfly flaps from the other side of the world hitting this contemporary provincial kootenay entity in the capital of the world, new york – being here for the start of classes, intense julliard level education, was i ready? i wasn’t sure, but i was here to take the challenge, so i had the vague sense i’d better get down to the office and officially enroll in the classes i was supposed to be taking, motivation to flow with fate, it’s the only thing to do, despite feeling alone and apprehensive, a babe in the silicon forest, a realtime nanogrowth of the naughties

remember being out in the crowded narrow streets at night looking for a party – the bars – spotted este there, in some guise, amid hipsters and scenesters – then there was this girl in some snowy rural upstate area, in the coming spring, that i was on speaking terms with partially because she was not a beautiful scenester, but a beautiful person, and i kissed her, and laid her down on the ground, and i wouldn’t mind more dreams like that at all, they keep me coming back to sleep

trips and dreams, it’s been an active imagination lately, but also the ebbs are so deep – have my slow-acting happy pills kicked in yet? i don’t know – the first week, feeling wired and giddy was probably placebo, a real boost, but i saw through it soon enough - i need a blatant physical chemical stimulation to really believe in a drug, although i thought i’d felt that on day 2, i guess my mind is pretty suggestible, but not indefinitely, unfortunately for certain transient happy delusions

the beer didn’t quite have the effect it was supposed to tonight – maybe cause i was stoned too, and too-analytical as usual – too stoned, not quite drunk enough to overcome the analysis – poetic moments, REAL feelings, DEEP feelings, a piano improv i might as well have called magic fader… so i guess i’ll take a drammy and embark on a quest for justice… dreams seem the final frontier for thrills, and for being the man i’m suppose to be – dreams are a refuge, even after all else has been corrupted – hope i’m not too stoned to dream – read a report on erowid tonight about the dull delirium that drammy engenders, like your life is a painting you’re looking at, stripped of morals – tropanes are good sedatives, says crystal g

i actually worried tonight, i’m craving a drug, any drug – well, you know, alcohol does that – or i do that to myself – i guess i’m lucky i can get high on all kinds of things – as long as they’re alkaloids

i bought advil today – liquid fast relief – brand name liquigels

one day
i will be perceived
telepathically
in a necessarily nostalgic photograph